As always grief forces me to assess my life and with the last two blogs I mentioned our family’s recent experience with loss.
Grief always forces me to sit back and analyse how I am juggling all of the hats I wear, all the roles I play in my life. Some of these I feel I groom or “look-after” very well and others, whether consciously or unconsciously, I’ve let get much more tattered or unkept.
I believe life is cyclic and at various times we are able to focus more on particular roles than we are on others. Six months ago I had absolutely no energy to offer managing one of our businesses, where as now I am keen to take up the baton again.
Life is dynamic.
Sometimes I judge myself a little harshly if I experience apathy for one of my roles and yet I try to remember to surrender to life and to trust that I will be guided and inspired on how and when to expend my energy.
I take heart in knowing that at some point in the future, for example, Simon and I will have the energy to be social again. Right now we struggle to have a date night, let alone book many social events with friends.
Presently, I have a very close circle of influence, yet have a large extended group of friends and family whom I delight in seeing only too rarely. Some of these friends I know I disappoint at times, fortunately however they appreciate the magnitude of our life at present with four little people.
At the same time I pat myself on the back for small victories, finally organising a regular time to chat to my mother (who lives interstate) every week, having a cup of tea with my sister or going for a run with my dearest girlfriend.
Life is sometimes smoother for me when I step back and take a broad look, where I can see it for the stage that it is at! To sit back and look at the roles I have. Quite literally I write them down, to remind myself, particularly on the days when I feel as if I ‘m a dead fish on the beach being pecked at by a million seagulls each chanting – “Mine, mine, mine… she’s mine, mine!” On days like those I try to remind myself what my greatest priorities are, versus the unending, incidental demands that are always popping up unexpectedly.
For example I tend to categorise MY ROLES or MY TIME along the lines of: (remember the order is dynamic and changing)
- Time for God or Spirit (meditating for example)
- Time for me (reading something inspiring, exercising)
- Partner (leaving love notes on the days I don’t see Simon, sitting and having a cup of tea together)
- Mother (playing games or sitting and chatting)
- Home CEO (organising cleaning, dogs etc)
- Friend
- Writer, Chiropractor, Business Owner
- Daughter
- Sister/Sister-in -Law, Family etc
- Friend – extended
- Community member
There are bound to be some I have forgotten to also throw into the pot.
Regardless, when I see these written down all my priorities become clearer at various points in my day.
A voice in my head says,“It is important to just be Mum right now”
“It is okay to really enjoy this moment because it is my time”
Or ” Giving Simon my attention is priority now”
Maybe writing down your roles somewhere where you can see them each day, will help you feel clearer and more supported in the roles that you play.
With love and respect,
Jennifer
