Last week when I was at our office I ran into an old patient and she asked if I was writing another book. She continued by adding, that it would be nice to read or hear about how other parents cope. She elaborated that she felt there were a lot of parents who post-baby/ toddler, would not be considered clinically depressed but who really struggle to get their groove back. That they have a very hard time holding it all together.
Last week when I was at our office I ran into an old patient and she asked if I was writing another book. She continued by adding, that it would be nice to read or hear about how other parents cope. She elaborated that she felt there were a lot of parents who post-baby/ toddler, would not be considered clinically depressed but who really struggle to get their groove back. That they have a very hard time holding it all together.This lady has two small children, a partner and she works part- time. We have known each other long enough for me to be able to tell that she was really yearning to connect with other mum’s and gather some support. She asked, “How do you manage, how do you hold it all together?” Now I am such an emotional creature that I could easily feel the depth of her distress. I felt an urgency to lighten her load of self- judgement and ease some of her pain, so I found myself embracing her and whispering “sweetheart on any given day it’s different, some days flow beautifully, others I get frazzled, just like anyone else.”
I would have to seriously question any parent with more than one child, who doesn’t feel like they are losing the plot every so often.
I believe it is pretty rare today for mothers to be emotionally honest with each other. We all appear so “capable” of juggling our fast paced lifestyles, that few of us really have time to stop and connect with our own feelings, let alone find the time and space for real ‘heart-to-heart’s’.
In the haste of our lives how often do we stop to ask each other, “how’s life going for you?” and sincerely care.
How often do we sincerely want to stop and listen?
This reminded me how fortunate I am to have a supportive ‘inner circle’ (more about this on another day), and it cemented for me the need for parental support networks.
Most of us wear masks and pretend that all is well. When in fact, there are a lot of people who feel extremely isolated amidst their hectic lives. There are many mothers who feel as if they are simply treading water each day, longing to feel more inner joy and contentment. A lot of women tackle anxiety trying to be “supermum”, while for others – fatigue or sheer boredom outweigh happiness and bliss.
One friend of mine swears by an afternoon chardonnay – she calls it “Mummy’s Little Helper” – being that it helps numb her frustration of having to constantly deal with fighting children and the hum-drum of domestics. I thought this was quite amusing, we all have different coping strategies, we all do the best we can.
Whether you work or not, whether you have one child or two, do you long for more inner peace?.
Contemplating these two women and their individual cries for comfort, I thought about some of the things I have put in place over the years that are my “Little Helpers”. Small rituals that help me to feel more peaceful. Most of these I do religiously, as they are now fairly habitual, however there are times where the demands of our young family are more pressing and I am more lenient on myself. In general though, life is much easier when I commit to these small acts.
In Search of Peace – some simple rituals…
1. A small repetitious act I make throughout the day is remembering to stay in gratitude.
Whenever Simon or I feel frustrated with life or a sequence of events, we allow ourselves the time necessary to safely express ourselves and then we quickly bring ourselves back to a state of gratitude. God has offered us so many gifts and he/she continues to do so as long as we are able to see them. We are both healthy, we share a deep love and respect, a beautiful, growth orientated friendship, we have three healthy boys, wonderful friends and family, work that inspires us, freedom of speech and choice.
We are very blessed. Remembering to give thanks is the greatest “state shifter” or “mood altering substance” that I know of.
Try it.
2. Another big one for me is connecting to ‘Source’.
By this I mean “tuning” into my higher guidance through meditation and visualisation. Now stop, I don’t mean I sit for hours like a monk, although this is the long term goal( with longer periods of time dedicated to “stillness” being a particular focus for me this year). Right now, I simply try to find a window of time, before the boys wake in the morning (a brief 15-20 minute “sign-in” process with Spirit – if you like) and then throughout the day I take small opportunities to “tune-in” to Source and breathe. I hand-over or surrender any concerns I have on particular issues, knowing that when I do so the sequence of events in my day seem to just divinely fall into place.
3. I try to remember that I am the creator of my reality.
Thoughts create your world. When I control my thoughts and moods I manifest much more peace and beauty in my life.
When I feel that I am not in control of my moods, I look at my life and assess – if I am dedicating enough time to ‘self’? Am I getting enough rest?. Is my diet out of whack (have I had a few days of celebrations and my body is feeling the effects of increased sugar or caffeine)?
It can be hard at times to not indulge my ego and my thoughts, sometimes I like a bit of drama. Most often though, life is more dreamy when I discipline my thoughts.
4. Making sure I’ve been consistent with my chiropractic adjustments.
This has been such an integral part of my life that sometimes I forget other families do not know the benefits of chiropractic. Nerve dysfunction or nerve dis-stress can promote chemical imbalance and a lack of harmony in the body. Each family member generally gets checked each week. If by chance we miss this opportunity, then one by one, we each start to feel less grounded within our bodies and we move towards stressful behaviours.
5. I am always moving my way through a number of inspirational books, CD’s or DVD’s.
For me this is a sure way to move up the emotional scale and to stay passionate and inspired about life. We don’t watch T.V. or read newspapers. Most of it is negative and stressful.
6. I watch what I’m focusing on /or giving my energy to.
We need to remember that constantly allowing ourselves to be stressed by “other people’s” business can be a distraction from being truly present in our own life.
7. Another big one for me is exercise.
I run fairly consistently through the week and the days I am unable to I will push the kids in the pram up hills or I’ll put on a yoga DVD.
Physically challenging myself always lifts my spirit.
In deep respect,
Jennifer Barham-Floreani
Bach. Chiropractic, Bach. App Clinical Science
Registered internationally, no longer practicing as a chiropractor in Australia.
. . . . .
There are lots of ways to find more peace and direction in life, perhaps considering some of these small acts will bring back some of the spontaneous laughter and joy into your life.
Lenedra Carroll speaks about in her book “The Architecture of all Abundance”,
We all wonder where the peace is but we are immersed in it.
We are like fish swimming in water but thirsting to drink!
We feel separate from our Being but we are not. Separateness is in our perception only.
In stillness we come to know that we are each capable of being the love, being the abundance.
We can be the peace that we long for.
