How is it serving you to be stressed or unhappy?

How is it serving you to be stressed or unhappy?

I don’t know about you, but the last few months have been a little testing for Simon and I. In fact so many of our friends have also echoed this that I NOW think the whole “collective frustration” many of us are feeling is HYSTERICALLY funny.

Upon reflection what I realised is most of us take ourselves (myself included)……. WAY TOOOOOOOOO SERIOUSLY.

Let me give you an example, the other day I got 5 phone calls from friends and family who were all going through various issues. A whole range of things were discussed. Including:

“I have a beautiful family, why can’t I just be happy?”

“Why don’t I have enough money or clients?”

“Why am I always stressed out!”

“Why am I attracting so much conflict?”

All of us experience stress in different ways and to varying degrees. Most people use stress as a motivator to achieve something such as completing a work deadline or paying off a debt. In some ways stress can be seen from a positive perspective, it is however, when feelings of anxiety  take over and we are driven by our emotional response to stress that we may need to step back and regain perspective. Sometimes we can become addicted to the adrenaline of stress, the desire to do something. This becomes obvious when we then go on holidays and become restless and uneasy, unable to switch off and relax. Finally then, if we do choose to let go of the stress cycle we tend to fall in an exhausted heap or end up somewhat depressed. Often we are completely unaware of how to relax and regroup.

John Demartini (author of many personal development books and chiropractor) talks about how certain ‘issues’ or ‘states of being‘ often serve us in some way, otherwise we would take the time to alter or change the emotion, or the situation.

Let me give you an example, if someone walks around constantly telling themselves and telling the world, “I am just so stressed all of the time, I never have any time for myself” then perhaps being stressed on some level serves them. If they weren’t chronically busy then they might have to make time for themselves, make time to sit still, relax and connect to God. They might have to reconnect to their highest values or connect with their family.

For some of us just the thought of this may seem too hard or too painful and it is simply easier to stay stressed out and busy. We may hold greater value in what we can ‘achieve’ than we do in feeding our hearts and minds with “quality down time.”

Here’s another example, someone may choose to continually complain about their partner and their situation, rather than learn a few more proactive communication skills, because it may serve them (unconsciously) to keep things the same. Perhaps they are fearful that should they instigate change they may have to address some of their own issues or self defeating behaviours.

As I took these phone calls from friends and family I contemplated the best way to love and support each caller. After “active listening” for some time I asked two questions in an attempt to put the situation in perspective, questions I ask myself frequently: “Tell me sweetheart, how does it serve you to be in that situation?” and “What little things are you doing for yourself?” /”Are  you focusing on enough self care rituals?”

We took a closer look at how their current situation could be seen from a positive perspective, from a neutral state rather than from a victim state and in doing so we were able to gain clarity on how they could transform the ‘problem’ into an ‘opportunity’.

My intention with this blog is two remind us of two important processes:

1)Looking at issues or challenges from a broad perspective

2)Examing our daily self care rituals


Daily rituals in our life offer us the opportunity to observe and co- create our reality rather than simply rolling along with a ‘Ground Hog Day mentality’. In her book, “The Architecture of all Abundance” by successful business woman Lenedra Carroll (who is Jewel’s mother, the famous singer) says…

We all wonder where the ‘peace‘ is

but we are immersed in it.

We are like fish swimming in water

but thirsting to drink!

We feel separate from our Being but we are not.

Separateness is in our perception only.

In stillness we come to know that we are each capable of being the love,

being the abundance.

We can be the peace that we long for.

There are lots of ways to find more peace and direction in life, perhaps considering some of the following small acts will bring back some spontaneity and joy into your life.

1. A small repetitious act I make throughout the day is remembering to Stay In Gratitude.
Whenever Simon or I feel frustrated with life or a sequence of events, we allow ourselves the time necessary to safely express ourselves and then we quickly bring ourselves back to a state of gratitude. God has offered us so many gifts and he/she continues to do so as long as we are able to see them. We are both healthy, we share a deep love and respect, a beautiful, growth orientated friendship, we have four healthy boys, wonderful friends and family, work that inspires us, freedom of speech and choice. We are very blessed. Remembering to give thanks is the greatest “state shifter” or “mood altering substance” that I know of. Try it.

2. Another big one for me is Connecting to ‘Source’. By this I mean “tuning” into my higher guidance through meditation and visualisation. Now stop,  I don’t mean I sit for hours like a monk, although this is the long term goal (with longer periods of time dedicated to “stillness” being a particular focus for me this year). Right now, I simply try to find a window of time, before the boys wake in the morning (a brief 15-20 minute “sign-in” process with Spirit – if you like) and then throughout the day I take small opportunities to “tune-in” to Source and breathe. I hand-over or surrender any concerns I have on particular issues, knowing that when I do so the sequence of events in my day seem to just divinely fall into place.

3. I try to remember that I am the Creator of My Own Reality. Thoughts create your world. When I control my thoughts and moods I manifest much more peace and beauty in my life. When I feel that I am not in control of my moods, I look at my life and assess – if I am dedicating enough time to ‘self’? Am I getting enough rest?. Is my diet out of whack (have I had a few days of celebrations and my body is feeling the effects of increased sugar or caffeine)? It can be hard at times to not indulge my ego and my thoughts, sometimes I like a bit of drama. Most often though, life is more dreamy when I discipline my thoughts.

4. Making sure I’ve been consistent with my chiropractic adjustments. This has been such an integral part of my life that sometimes I forget other families do not know the benefits of chiropractic. Vertebral subluxations or nerve dis-stress can promote chemical imbalance and a lack of harmony in the body. Each family member generally gets checked each week. If by chance we miss this opportunity, then one by one, we each start to feel less grounded within our bodies and we move towards stressful behaviours.

5. I am always moving my way through a number of Inspirational Books, CD’s or DVD’s. For me this is a sure way to move up the emotional scale and to stay passionate and inspired about life. Very rarely does a day go past when I don’t listen to something motivational on my IPod. We don’t watch T.V. or read newspapers – Most of it is negative and stressful.

6. I watch what I’m Focusing On /or Giving My Energy To. We need to remember that constantly allowing ourselves to  be stressed by “other people’s” business can be a distraction from being truly present in our own life.

7. Another big one for me is Exercise. I run fairly consistently throughout the week and the days I am unable to, I will either push the kids in the pram up hills or I’ll put on a yoga DVD. Physically challenging myself always lifts my spirit.


In deep respect,


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