Well it has been an ‘interesting’ week for our family. I say interesting because I’ve had plenty of circumstances/scenarios arise – to allow for some serious ‘self –observation’.
This process of self-observation is the principle of analyzing my thoughts, my shortcomings and my judgements. It is the process of taking the time to observe my actions and interactions, rather than sweeping them under the rug. Observing them without self-judgement and for the purpose of analyzing where I’m at – at this point in my life. How am I going as a spiritual being, a soul mate, a mother and a friend?
We have had weeks now of our two year old waking consistently throughout the night, which as my dearest girlfriend (who is a kinesiologist) suggested, is quite possibly Quin tuning into the adrenaline that has kept his Mum and Dad running for some time now.
Simon and I moved and expanded our business at the start of this year and it’s been go, go, go ever since. We suggest to clients all the time that they need to plan holidays in advance, to unplug from life and simply rest. Somehow we have convinced ourselves that now is not the right time for our family to plan a holiday, yet both of us are secretly hoping that miraculously a holiday will organize itself into fruition. Stupid, I know.
So needless to say – booking a holiday is an item of priority this week.
When you are tired it is very easy for the “ego” to over-ride your system and to take firm control your thoughts – allowing your moods to spiral you out of your normal groove and at times leave you feeling beaten by life and disheartened. Most of us when we think of our egowe relate it to that voice in our head that is inclined to judge others, and yet consider our self to be close to godliness. For any of you who have had the opportunity to hear Dr John Demartini speak, you will appreciate his techniques in owning all human qualities or personality traits. It is a fascinating process of realizing that you can no longer (or less often) judge someone as being rude; for example,a tardy waitress and not acknowledge where you yourself have indeed been rude to another, perhaps even a waitress. It’s hilarious – Life is the grandest mirror we have!
The human ego can also raise its ugly head, keeping us lost in a maze of ‘limited thinking’, through controlling desires and self-depreciation. With being tired this week, my ego took hold and I found myself moving towards thoughts of worry, fear and frustration. Fatigue feeds the ego. Fortunately my beautiful husband forced me back to bed a few times over the weekend, even early to bed – a sure cure for my ‘cranky arse’ behaviour.
With both Simon and I feeling exhausted this week we also took ourselves off for a kinesiology balance – to tune in again to some of our core needs. When you are in the habit of running on adrenaline you loose sight of all the little ways you can self-nurture. You find you are just moving through the motions, your relationship, your kids, your work, your exercise, even meditation and acts of gratitude can become routine and they may not offer the ‘same depth and beauty’ that they normally would.
With proper sleep you can remind yourself more easily, to disengage from your ego, that you are simply tired and tomorrow you will most likely feel more hopeful and centred. You realize that the nagging voice in your head which seems so loud is not really your friend, nor your true essence speaking and it is time to shut it down again and move towards self-nurturing activities.
We all have times when we feel flat, particularly if we are tired. Sometimes the tricky thing is acknowledging just how tired we are and simply surrendering to re-cooperating. For most of this week I have had “lap days”, where the little boys lie on my lap and I’ll read to them, or alternately I’ll read while they watch a DVD. I hide the washing and ironing in another room and leave it for another day, not completing anything in particular and not rushing around or pushing myself – just simply resting and observing. Taking the time to get my ‘self’ – right again.
More than ever, when fatigue hits, we need to remind ourselves (or draw on a circle of support or read good books) that our thoughts create our reality and in turn – our reality creates our world.
“You cannot escape the results of your thoughts. Whatever your present environment may be, you will fall, remain or rise with your thoughts, your vision, your ideal. You will become as small as your controlling desire, as great as your dominant aspiration.”
—James Lane Allen
The ability we have as human beings to be our very own alchemists, to turn negative energies into awareness, honesty and courage, never ceases to amaze me.
With a little extra sleep this week and taking the time to self- observe, I am making some subtle changes in my weekly routine. I realize that I’ve been on a treadmill these last few months, busily trying to please everyone else with little time for myself. Quite literally I feel like my ego has been running behind on the treadmill cracking a whip yelling “go, go, go.” So my self-observation has inspired me to relax my “self- discipline” muscles (which I have strengthened well) and work-on my “fun and joy” muscles, which believe me have turned quite flaccid and weak since Christmas. I’ve attempted to design a new life “work out.” One without so much striving and pleasing.
I’ve looked a little deeper into the grand mirror of life and seen my current truth. With this I have decided to be kinder and gentler on myself and to dig deeper into my essence for a new level of laughter and joy.
I wish to thank my dear friend Tiffani, who reminded me so gently this week, about our inherent need for joy.
I love you sweetheart.
Yours in health,
Dr Jennifer Barham-Floreani